Don’t Know

I don’t know where I’m goin’

Hell, I don’t even know where I’ve been

I’ve spent so many hours

Waiting to begin

And I have lived through so much darkness

And I’m not doing that again

It seems like such a long time

Did I ever know the truth

Years of looking to the outside

for some acknowledgment by you

But you will tell me whatever suits you

and whatever works the best for you

I am open, I am

I am different, I am

I am perfectly broken

and that’s the way I want to be

I am jealous, I am

I am hiding

I am the star that will shine in your sky,

I am free

I live my life my own way

And I paint outside the lines

Doesn’t seem to work in your world,

But your world isn’t mine

And I don’t know where I’m going

But that’s okay

I’m gonna have fun while I can

I am open, I am

I am different, I am

I am perfectly broken

and that’s the way I want to be.

I am jealous, I am

I am hiding

I am the star that will shine in your sky,

I am free

I don’t know where I’m goin’

I’ve spent so much of my life

Waiting to begin

I have lived through so much darkness

And I’m telling you that now

I’m gonna have fun while I can

Goodbye Without Leaving

You are on your own

And I know what you're thinking

I lay each night beside you

But it's over

If you'd take the time to see,

You'd see it's killing me

The empty words as we smile

Oh, so emptily

But I know what's right

And so I do what's right….

And I stay, I lie in your arms

Goodbye without leaving

And everyday I pray you'll know the truth

That I may die in your arms

But I'm whispering goodbye.

I am on my own

It's been that way for too long

But I'm faithful 'cause I promised to be

Even though it's killing me

And how can you not see

Do you even look at me

'Cause my heart is flailing blindly

Blindly

But I know what's right

And so I do what's right….

And I stay, I lie in your arms

Goodbye without leaving

And everyday I pray you'll know the truth

That I may die in your arms

But I'm whispering

I am whispering….

How can you not even notice it's all wrong?

How can you not even know that I'm gone?

How can you not even know what's going on around you?

How can you be satisfied with this game

Can't you see me squirm

when you say my name

How can you be satisfied with this life

When I don't even try to love you

And I stay, I lie in your arms

Goodbye without leaving

And everyday I pray you'll know the truth

That I may die in your arms

Die in your arms           

And everyday I pray you'll know the truth

That I may die in your arms,

but I'm whispering goodbye.

Easier to Lie

I’ll fall apart over here, just ignore me

I could be fine, I could make you adore me

But it’s hard, hard enough to know

 that I’m faking

And it’s hard, hard enough to know

 that I am naked

I often rage at the way that I hurt me

Can’t seem to stop all these thoughts that pervert me

‘Cause it’s hard, hard enough to know

 that I’m different

And it’s hard, hard enough to know

 I could be perfect

No, it’s easier to die

It’s easier to fade

It’s easier to lie

And walk away

I’ll make a few mistakes

Be sure to let you down

I’ll fade.

I’ll fall apart over here, just ignore me

I’ll prove to you, you could never adore me

And it’s hard, hard to let you go

but it’s needed

Yes, it’s hard, hard to let you go,

but it’s like breathing.

No, it’s easier to die

It’s easier to fade

It’s easier to lie

And walk away

I’ll make a few mistakes

Be sure to let you down

‘Cause if you see all that I can really be

How long before you ask me

And if it seems like I’ve got

much more to give

How long before you test me

At least right now, I have an out

I wasn’t really trying, I was holding back

So, you never have to find out if there’s really nothing else at all.

No, it’s easier to die

It’s easier to fade

It’s easier to lie

And walk away

I’ll make a few mistakes

Be sure to let you down

I’ll give myself some space         

Keep you from hanging around

It’s easier to die

It’s easier to fade

It’s easier to lie.

Never Thought

You snuck up behind me

When I wasn’t looking

When you pressed up against me

I didn’t push you away

I wasn’t looking for love

I was looking for myself

I spent too many hours

Giving to everybody else

And I never thought I could

Never thought I would fall in love again

Everything’s clearer

Then I ever thought it would be

And everything’s nearer

To what I dreamed love could be

For the first time in my life

For the first time I believe

You say everything’s for me

That you will never leave

And I never thought I could

Never thought I would fall in love again

Baby, baby, I’m going crazy

And I don’t seem to care

Let’s blow it all off, and let’s be lazy

I want you forever here

You snuck up behind me

When I wasn’t looking

Your happiness blinds me

And you say it’s because of me

You are everything I want

You’re everything I need

You don’t take anything away

I can be who I can be

And I never thought I could

Never thought I would fall in love again.

Corner of my Heart

As I walk through these crowded streets

all alone, I think of you

And a little hope that you’ve put
inside my heart

But I fear letting go

And I fear that little hope

in the corner of my heart.

My soul smiles from all the crazy things

that you do

And you’ve proved that I can

put my trust in you

But I fear letting go

And I fear that little hope

inside my heart,

in the corner of my heart.

And I know that although

your love seems so true

It could all be taken away too soon.

I awake and I watch you sleep, so serene  

And I know that I’m going to let you in

But I fear letting go

And I fear that little hope

inside my heart,

in the corner of my heart.

Never Become  

I did too good at job at wondering

What makes a good life anyway

'Cause I sacrifice and cry and push through

When I want to hide away

The oldest lessons are the best learned

And a skinny blonde I'll never be

Does that make me nothing special,

Not meant to have the dream

'Cause no one cares

I’m just a pretty enough, clever enough, busy enough, I’m crazy enough

Just enough to be like everybody else

And I hate I’ll never be skinny enough,

peaceful enough, unique enough, mysterious

And I hate I’ll never become somebody else

I've read all the right books

I've tried so hard to change

I know that I'm supposed to believe, live in the right here and now

But all of this talking and I'm just mired in a sea of nothing

'Cause no one cares

I’m just a pretty enough, clever enough, busy enough, I’m crazy enough

Just enough to be like everybody else

And I hate I’ll never be skinny enough,

peaceful enough, unique enough, mysterious

And I hate I’ll never become somebody

There must be more to live than this

There is more to me than candy

you could wear proudly on your arm

And if different's what you need,

why'd you turn your back and leave

I could break your heart

if you would only let me

But no one cares

I’m just a pretty enough, clever enough, busy enough, I’m crazy enough

Just enough to be like everybody else

And I hate I’ll never be skinny enough,

peaceful enough, unique enough, mysterious

And I hate I’ll never become somebody else.

Lucky

I’m so strange and so misguided

It’s the way I’ve always been                 

Shining on the outside

But the rest is all pretend          

'Cause I feel there's nothing inside

But pain and hate and bruised pride

And everyday I must hide

'Cause you will hurt me over again

You have so much power

And it’s all so damn old

I know that I can let this go,

That I can take control

But I feel there’s nothing inside

But pain and hate and bruised pride

And everyday I must hide

'Cause you will hurt me over again.

Give you an inch and you take a mile

And you criticize, belittle,

and you tell me to smile

Don’t tell me to smile, no, no…

And don’t come looking for forgiveness

Don’t come looking for peace

You won’t find it 'cause I won’t let you

Get a moment when you’ll be free

Cause I wasn’t so lucky

I wasn’t so lucky.

Every day it hurts more

Will it ever hurt less

It’s easier to not say a word

But the price is years depressed

‘Cause now I feel there’s nothing inside

But pain and hate and bruised pride                               

And everyday I must hide

‘Cause you will hurt me all over again.

Give you an inch and you take a mile

And you criticize, belittle

and you tell me to smile

Don’t tell me to smile, no, no…

And don’t come looking for forgiveness

Don’t come looking for peace

You won’t find it 'cause I won’t let you

Get a moment when you’ll be free

Cause I wasn’t so lucky

So why should you be?

You say you forgive me…

That you forgive me

Why don’t you stay there in the bed you made, in the hate you gave

It won’t be okay

I said, why don’t you stay there in the bed you made, in the hate you gave

It won’t be okay

It’ll never be okay.

Junkie

Just need a little something

to get me through  

Just a little taste

and I'll be good as new

'Cause I need

I bleed….

It's an evil thing

that you've done to me

Try to give you up

but I can't seem to break free

I can't breathe

And I am weak

Can't somebody stop me

And I am aching

I am breaking

Please somebody stop me

'Cause I've been starving for too long  

But it don't make a difference

I know deep down that this is wrong  

But I can't stop this obsession

And I should turn away, I should run

But I can't stop missing  

Your arms, your teeth, your lips, your love….

Each day that I want you,

it's me I hate

But like a moth to a flame,

I can't stay away

So I drown

Get sucked down

'Til I am crawling

I keep trying

But I can't fight it

And I am falling

And I've been starving for too long          

But it don't make a difference

I know deep down that this is wrong

But I can't stop this obsession

And I should turn away, I should run

But I can't stop missing

Your arms, your teeth, your lips, your love

Your skin, your breath,

oh, it melts me like a drug

I can't fight it, can't deny it,

I can't get enough

I'm a junkie, a junkie for your love.

Birthday

It seems that I’ve been born to dream

It seems that I’ve been born to hate

It seems that I’ve been born to wish

That I’d been born to someone else.

It seems that I am not alive

And I have thought about the end

And I have thought to do act it out

To just do something – well, you know.

I am not the perfect daughter

I am not your perfect angel

I am not anything your heart desires

I am just – I am.

I am not your little chess piece

I’m not here to satisfy you

I’m not here to do what you want me to do

I am just – I am.

Oh, I am.

Don’t worry when you’re not around

Your voice is screaming in my head

Of all the things that I’ve done wrong

Of what you would have done instead.

I am not the perfect daughter

I am not your perfect angel

I am not anything your heart desires

I am just – I am.

I am not your little chess piece

I’m not here to satisfy you

I’m not here to do what you want me to do

I am just – I am.

And on this blessed day

The anniversary of my birth

I am up at three a.m.

Penning this acrid dearth

To record what has become of me

To record what has become of me

To record: This is what’s become of me

I am not the perfect daughter

I am not your perfect angel

I am not anything your heart desires

I am just – I am.

I am not your little chess piece

I’m not here to satisfy you

I’m not here to do what you want me to do

I am just – I am.

Oh, I am.

It seems that I’ve been born to dream

It seems that I’ve been born to hate

It seems that I’ve been born to wish

That I’d been born to someone else.

Bad Day

Don't want to be patient anymore

And I'm tired of being, oh, so very nice

Just want to have some pain that I don't ignore

Want to live my life with a bunch of vices,

With no-one's advices

Want to have a bad day

Want to revel and scream and shout

Want to have everything my way

Want to rant and rave and bitch and run around

Want to have a bad day

I'm tired of always doing everything 'right'

And I'm tired of always following the rules

Everyone seems to know what's best for my life

And I listen, and I follow,

And I am the biggest fool

Want to have a bad day

Want to revel and scream and shout

Want to have everything my way

Want to rant and rave and bitch and run around

But is there anything left but feeling guilt

Is there any way to live a life without regret

There's so much that I want, and still

I know in my heart, that I'll never get there

Want to have a bad day

Want to revel and scream and shout

Want to have everything my way

Want to rant and rave and bitch and run around

Want to have a bad day.

If You See Me

When you think about forever

Do you ever think of me

>Cause I am camped out here on eggshells

Clinging to our dreams

You lived like I was your salvation

But now I’m just a girl

And this disaster’s our creation

Our black mark upon the world

And if you see me walk away

Would you beg for me to stay

>Cause I don’t want to let this go

But I have got to break this hold

'Cause you're killing me.

You’re unwilling to admit it

Twice in one year to claim defeat

But fighting just to avoid the branding...

Silence is not peace

And if you see me walk away

Would you beg for me to stay

>Cause I don’t want to let this go

But I have got to break this hold

You look for reasons

so you can make me disappear

'Cause it's easier to kill me

than it is for you to leave.

And if you see me walk away

Would you beg for me to stay

'Cause I don't want to let this go

But I have got to break this hold

'Cause you're killing me.